It is possible that a single A Lonely Woman will be the symbol of our times. One who really wants to be with someone, but has no one.
I have already written that sometimes it is the fault of women themselves → Why is a modern woman unable to form a relationship?
Sometimes it is the fault that no one teaches us to be in relationships → We are not prepared for long-term relationships
To a large extent it is a matter of the fact that the whole matchmaking system has changed → Supermarket with partners. Why has being with someone got so hard?
Today I will write about one more factor. It is the clash SharekAlomre.com between the expectations we have for each other and how the world has changed.
Former status quo
Before the social revolutions of the last few decades, the roles of men and women were strictly defined.
Men knew that they had to be resourceful, strong and responsible, because their attractiveness depended on it.
Women knew that if they wanted to have a chance of a decent guy, they should treat their virginity like the Holy Grail, their mouths like a miraculous painting, and learn to cook, be faithful and understanding at the same time.
Very often the problem was not even looking for a partner, because it was done by the parents. Some of my grandparents met during trade negotiations. I don’t remember anymore how much my grandfather offered pigs and sacks of wheat, but after three meetings they agreed on a wedding date. It is said that then things were fixed, not thrown away, and people were together for better and for worse. For better and for worse, literally, because even if it happened to be an exceptional boor, a possible break-up meant that the priest would say from the pulpit that she was a harlot, the father would disinherit her, and the children would probably be pointed at by the fingers.
Life roles moved on – A Lonely Woman
Of course, in the case of women, because the roles assigned to men have practically not changed. He is still going to be strong, to have stubble and to be the biggest fish in the pond, to own a good car and an office with a secretary.
On women, every word “must” has replaced “you”. A woman doesn’t have to be a virgin anymore, doesn’t have to be polite, and in fact, it is better not to be. He can only cook what was powdered a moment ago. He doesn’t have to like children and can climb the career ladder and get an education. This is great because women do it surprisingly well.
This is perfectly proved by statistical data. They show that women learn better, finish their studies more often, and it is possible that they work better. Since 2007, 80% of those who have lost their jobs are men.
The Expectations Remained the Same – A Lonely Woman
The problem with cultural change is the same as with evolution. We can learn to use a new device in a month, but we are genetically the same as our ancestors from the 15th century. The same is true of culture. Malcolm Gladwell described the history of Harlan in Kentucky in his book “Beyond the Scheme”. In the 19th century, Harlan was home to the descendants of shepherds who depended on respect for their survival. They had to raise enough of him so that no one would dare to steal their herd. This led to the emergence of SharekAlomre a “culture of honor”. Respect was its central part, and the slightest violation of honor was reacted with aggression. In modern research it turned out that the descendants of these people, although they did not feel they were carriers of this cultural heritage, behaved in the same way as their ancestors.
Exactly the same can be seen in the reports. We live differently from our ancestors in the 19th century, but our expectations are very similar to each other. Men can look after children and be nurses in hospitals, but women expect admiration and respect from women. Women can work in glass skyscrapers and talk about equality, but they still want to be strong and resourceful with men. Helen Fisher’s research shows that even women who have achieved great professional success still expect an even higher position from their partners. Women still want guys who can be called “chiefs of the tribe.” In our reality, that means guys in leadership positions and bosses of whatever.
The problem is that one woman who becomes a bank director means one man who will no longer be that director. This makes him fall out of the pool of potential partners. The effect is that as the number of women embraced increases, so does the number of men these women might be interested in.
Women’s loneliness is a permanent feature – A Lonely Woman
It has been observed that in communities where there are few men, women tend to be more promiscuous and men less faithful . Currently, we can see both of these phenomena, although there are nominally the same number of men.
First, not so long ago, an average man had sex with seven women during his lifetime. Today it’s hard to meet a twenty-five-year-old who has only statistical results, and still a long time ahead of him. Rather, it is not faithfulness.
Second, as late as forty years ago, a reasonable reason for divorce was that a man demanded oral sex. Today you don’t have to demand it – you have to make big eyes when a girl says “No” despite three dates.
Fewer attractive guys are just the beginning of the problems. In the old days, men competed for women. Today everyone is fighting for everyone.
A modern prince will not come on a white horse
The modern prince differs from the earlier ones in that he has a choice. Nothing limits the current prince. For one woman who is only pretty, there will be two. Who will also open the door for him to the Massive Attack Angel. Dressed only in a corset and stockings, and then swaying. Their hips to the kitchen for a bottle of Prosecco and the best tagliatelle he has ever eaten. When you have a girl to choose from, it’s better to have the one with a meaningless diploma than without one. The one who has any interests than the one who only matches the color of the lipstick to the color of the underwear. The one that feels good even after two years, the hormones will stop buzzing than the one whose autumn blues last all year round.
In practice, this means one thing – the world of passive women has passed . Having a pretty face is like saying, “Here’s my CV. It’s completely empty so I should get my dream job. ” The last princesses sigh in their towers.
There have probably never been so many single women and women in relationships yet complaining about men. Surprised that relationships are beautiful for three months, and later they suddenly end, surprised by the number of mommies without condoms in their wallets, which they would not use anyway. Afraid that their personal life depends entirely on them and what kind of person they are. It is no wonder, because never has the “lonely woman” been such a widespread species, and the “attractive man” so rare.
If there is a gender war, women have won it. They gained much more than the guys. However, the paradox of this victory is that the better you are. The fewer A Lonely Woman men you have to choose from. The fewer there are, the more picky they are. In practice – the better you cope, the more often. It turns out that it is still not enough to have a successful personal life. These are the costs of your winnings.
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It’s a text without a punch line. There are no accusations here. It is a diagnosis of how the systems between. The sexes have change and they will certainly stabilize in some time.
For now, however, the symbol of this decade should be a lonely woman standing in the window of a skyscraper. She has the whole city at her feet, but no one is next to her.
The symbol of this decade should be a man who grew a tummy and never moved away from his mother.